i don't like sucking hair
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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