Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
