Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I could fuck to npr.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
