I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
