...so i touched it.
I can text with my tongue
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
