I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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