I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
