something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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