Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
