If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
