he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
