Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
