He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
