They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
