my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
