Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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