its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
