suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
