Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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