some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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