I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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