also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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