Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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