I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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