Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
