how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
