I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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