does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
