There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
