and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
