yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
