It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
