So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
