I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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