Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
