there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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