so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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