I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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