Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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