Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
