I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
