He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
me + whiskey = a bad person
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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