if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
