His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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