I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
