Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
