Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
