Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize