My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
