I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
