Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
