Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
