My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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