I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
