I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
