i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
