I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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