I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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