this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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