so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
