so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
