I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
