Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
