You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
