Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna have a badass scar
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
