I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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